Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
you had me at cake vodka
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
