first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you inspire me to be a worse person
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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