barbara walters just said penis...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
