Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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