Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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