i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm gonna fight the coyote
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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