so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
