He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
