I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
