saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
