2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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