im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize