just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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