how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
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If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
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Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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