I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
