i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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