Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
