You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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