I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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