I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
