Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
