Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
