My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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