Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
