I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
