I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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