her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
