She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
jump out the window naked night went bad
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
