I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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