I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
