Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
