just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
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And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
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My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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