How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
