And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
