I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
