I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
