I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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