I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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