and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
