I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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