This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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