Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
