I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The feeling are messing with the penis
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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