dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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