i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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