Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
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ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
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I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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