FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize