I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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