Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
