i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
