I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
