Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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