ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Ketchup is God's man juice
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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