I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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