I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
honey bunches of taint.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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