I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
