Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
