Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
